To the Class of 2018: A Conceit

I remember the very first time I met the Future. I was six years old, and he made his presence known to me when he approached me to ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And I told him, “A princess.” And then I changed my answer to, “An archaeologist.” But now, I’m for sure, very certain the answer to that question is, “A doctor.” I was an indecisive mess back then. But that’s how the Future and I connected. Back in the day, he was wild, unkempt, recalcitrant. At times he was dimmer than usual, more depressing than usual, and sometimes, I lost my grasp on what he looked like… what I remembered him to look like. Throughout the years the Future has inspired me to do bigger, better, and greater things… he’s like my best friend, and I can never imagine life without him.

Now enter You, yes, You! The beautiful, intelligent, hopeful bride. You’ve worked so hard to be right here where you are today. When I first met you, you’ve been in the education system for a good thirteen years, and, if you ask me, you rightfully deserve your M-R-S degree, if you get what I’m saying. You have taken hold of the Future and shaped him into the biggest and best version of himself for you that I have ever seen. You’ve transformed him into someone bright, promising, and golden. You are so very different from anyone the Future has ever laid his eyes on, as, when he first met you, he was smitten by your iridescence, your grit, your confidence.

We’re all gathered here today to celebrate the consolidation of You and your dear Future. I remember the first time the Future met you, and then he approached you, just as he did to me, asking what /you/ wanted to be when you grew up. You replied, “Happy”, an answer so peculiar, so whimsical that the Future just couldn’t help but fall in love with you. So, here you are, joined hand in hand as you, the bride, fulfill the very promises and goals you’ve made towards your Future, while in return your Future, the groom, grants you your deepest wish of happiness.

And don’t get me wrong, not all days will be glowing with perfection as the Future still has that bit of spontaneity in him that you can just never quite get rid of. And there will be some days where you just want to quit everything, to stop trying to please your beloved husband… to drop him and run away from his powerful grasp. And should you ever go through those times, I urge you to take a deep breath and reconsider. For the Future is yours, and you have the true power to control your relationship with him, not vice versa. You indeed wear the pants in the relationship.

And after you’ve utilized your alpha dominance trousers and belittled dear Mr. Future into conceding his grip on you, you shall then guilt him into taking you out to dinner. There, you will then find what you were yearning for. A medium-rare steak. Which basically equates to your desire for happiness. And your sweet significant other, dear Mr. Future, would pay the bill with the riches he’s gained from your goals and promises, making him the wealthiest man in the world… and the luckiest man as well.

And so I end my speech with an anecdote… a brief conversation I’ve had with your dear Future. I turned the tables on him, asked him what /he/ wanted to be when he grew up.

And he replied, quite simply, “Yours.”

A toast to the beautiful bride and groom, to you and your Future.

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